how does a good husband treat his wife?

[takfa]

I always forgive my husband his bad behaviour and only see and talk about the good. Today I want to know. How does a good amazigh man treat his wife???? Apparently Berber men like to hit their wifes, swear at them and tell them that they would not buy them food and basically lock them in the house, kick them stupid when they are pregnant and buy them nothing personal. Is this normal behaviour or is there a NUT on the loose? But he can use MY car and all my funiture and tell me that I cant use MY car because he fixed something small on it.I am South African coccasion and I must add, if I had no IQ I would accept that the whole of North Africa's males are monster and maniacs. So I would like some honest comment on how does a normal man function and treat his wife?

kind regards lynette

[Emgee]

Hi Lynette,
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Unfortunately, domestic abuse is growing worldwide. But different global authorities are trying to address the problem. It is not limited to a particular race or culture - although some cultures may see women as inferior in everything, which doesn't help

2011 DV CONFERENCE AUSTRALIA - Global Coalition against Domestic Violence (GCA-DV)
Prevalence of Domestic Violence

These are just a few examples. Of course knowing others are suffering, does not alleviate the pain you are in. Just know that it is NOT YOUR FAULT that you are being treated this way.

As to how a man should treat his wife (or anyone else for that matter) RESPECT is the key word. Someone who respects himself and others would never cause anyone any harm, and would earn respect from others.

We can't force others to treat us with respect, even though we are worthy of receiving it. You can try appealing to him when he is in a receptive frame of mind - but I'm no expert in relationships. When mine became to unpleasant to handle - I left - which worked for me but is not always an option for others.

I hope you can work something out. I wish you the best.

[Arwen]

Sorry to hear your husband is abusing you badly. I think Emgee has pretty much covered it. Does he tell you that it is how berber men treat thier wives? I'd be guessing thats not at all true. As Emgee said it's a problem worldwide in every culture, I'm sure there are just as many kind berber husbands who treat their wives with love and respect. Maybe you could appeal to his better nature ...if he has one...I assune he has or you would not have married him in the first place.

One thing is for sure..it is definately not your fault. Your husband is a weak man with low self esteem. I hope you manage to sort things out for the better, but if it does not seem possible then leave if you can. Take care.

[takfa]

Thank you Emgee and Arwen. For the first time in 3 years I spoke to my sister inlaw via e-mail(I had to use the online translator to communicate as they speak as much english as I do French - Not much at all). Shame they are very upset about everything, but she is telling me that most Imazighen are treating their women in this manner.
Its true what you are saying that bad men are everywhere. But the difference between our laws are LARGE. In my country a wife can send her husband to prison if he is abusing her, but I cant do that. I have children. I still dont know what I am going to do, but like they say :" In God we trust",
I need him to change because I love him and I want my children to have their own father in the house.

Thank you ones again
regards lynette

[Arwen]

At least you have managed to talk to your sister in law about it, thats good as it gives you another perspective on things, I hope it helps. Trouble is in some cultures women are more accepting of this kind of behaviour of their men. Some God forbid accept it as the norm By accepting it as such they almost condone it and so the man in question sees no need to change his ways.

I hope you can make your husband see that it is not right, he does not need to resort to violence just because others do. Children deserve to grow up in a happy home with parentd who show love to each other. Imagine what message it gives your children to see their mother treated badly. Daughters could see it as what their life will be one day and accept it...cos a father is right. Son's will take it as the way to treat their future wives....and so it continues a vicious cycle until someone brave enough finds the courage to say "Enough this is wrong, and I will not stand for it any longer"

Take care, I wish you well in whatever you decide to do. Talking with your husband about why he feels the need to act the way he does is maybe a start.