Marital Issues Amongst Overseas Moroccans

[namudar]

I am writing for answers as to why so many young Moroccans living in countries like Canada make deliberate choices to stay in what are clearly very bad, probably dead marriages where neither spouse even tries to fix things.

Culture is one thing but spreading misery into the lives of third parties is quite another.

Anyone?

Thanks.

[Ghazala]

Personally I thought it was the opposite now. In the main, people who put up with an intolerable partner either have insecure immigration status or are too scared to go it alone (for whatever reason). The rest walk, and they walk fast....

[namudar]

Thanks - this helps. Immigration isn't the issue here. The question was personal thereapy as it just happened to me. Lying only goes so far and I gave him an option of being with me or staying with her so the option of going alone is covered for him. No games or revenge thoughts for my feelings are quite deep as are his. The issue is more custody of a small child and what I think is her unwillingness to join the workforce.

Thank you again.

[namudar]

Ghazali;

He couldn't go through with it. Its sad but he kind of deserves the unhappiness now. I tried to help the man but it seems he caved in under pressure from his or, more likely, her family. Now he runs from me. Overall, a pitiful scenario. The wife has gotten a job in what seems a last ditch effort to stave off divorce and the child is in daycare. Still, the problems that were there before will remain and its a matter of time before they explode yet again. Absolutely nothing will change. You can never replace the feeling of being cared for or loved and a child is no replacement for company. At the risk of offense, there is no point in moving to the west only to remain an emotional slave to family "back home". I am struck by her lack of self-respect and desperateness to stay in the marriage despite the mess and absence of feelings. He tried to solve his problems only to create another.

For 7 months he pursued me all the while passing himself off as single. Its a long time and still a bit hard to swallow.

what has this to do with Moroccans??
does this kind of thing not happen within every race? my goodness how small minded.
further more what sort of person are you, to expect a man to turn his back on his child for a woman? he will get more love from his child than ANY woman could try to give him.
and as for the wife, i would not call her desperate, she is fighting for what she believes in, keeping her family together and working to make it better. Maybe this is where you differ, to most Moroccans FAMILY comes before anything else.... yes he may have strayed, yes he had issues, no they are not to be excused or tolerated. but he obviously thought hard and..... you were not a patch on what he had, so he went back to work on where it went wrong. believe me you cannot get more strong minded than a Moroccan man, he is not going to get pressured into anything, so to suggest he got a telling off from folks back home and went running back to wifey... well i think you are well off the mark. i don't know any Moroccans that live as you said 'emotional slaves to family back home'
to have self respect you need to be a strong person, and it takes a strong person to forgive......

[Ghazala]

Aha, you are the 'other woman'. It wasn't clear from the original post but my first point remains. People usually only stay for those reasons. Looks to me like he had his fun with you, made his point with his wife (she has now got a job etc). and is now getting on with his life. Don't believe what he says - after all he cheated on the woman he made vows to, the mother of his child. Why would he suddenly become an honest person with you? If he had any intention of being serious with you, why pass himself off as single?? Being pursued for 7 months means nothing because we all know the thrill of the chase

I don't want to be judgmental but you didnt know he was married before but you know now. You also know he has a child. Don't be selfish especially when the man has clearly made his choice. Back off and find someone single. If the shoe was on the other foot and you were the wife, I don't think you would wish to be called desperate when you are simply trying to preserve the family unit. Plus waiting around for him to leave his wife is pointless. 9 times out of 10, they don't. Chances of you being the exception are slim to say the least. Even if he did marry you, who is to say that he won't cheat on you?? What makes you different??

Back off and try to find love with someone who is free to give it.

[bintleblad]

Such words of wisdom, girls i like yr style!

Namudar I am afraid the girls are both right in everything they have said!
This guys seems to have enjoyed him self and if he lied to you about being single then he probably lied about many things including feelings. Moroccan men are very very strong minded so I very much doubt his family especially being back home pressued him into anything!
Regardless would you really want a man who cheated on his wife and child, general rule of thumb once a cheater always a cheater this is because cheaters are selfish, they only want to meet their own needs and feed their own egos, he might have even done it before.

Point blank, lesson for all if he is married then leave him alone because he does not belong to you, I don’t care how much cr@p he feeds about not getting on with his wife! Some men will say anything to get wht they want out of a woman, especially is he is thinking with his main brain down south . If he is that unhappy he can divorce on his own terms and then come find you not be with you whn he shares his bed with another woman!