Job opening

A guy walks into the Job centre, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing benefit. I'd really rather have a job."
The worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bull****tin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

Lottery
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" The husband says, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter..... just get out!"

[freemocy]

hahahaahahahhaahahhahaha..the second one is nice

[Anisa]

Very good Mselya! I've heard the second one too