Cow Government

[it-is-me]

Posted - 05/31/2003 : 10:32:31 PM
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DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people
into office who put a tax on your cows, forcing you
to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people
you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and
give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara
Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one
and gives it to your neighbor. You're placed in a
cooperative to tell him how to manage your cow.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
So?

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes
both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for
hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You
sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The
government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has
only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The
government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down
the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one,
lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four
cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You
spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes
up.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on
strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign
them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to
travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the
top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer
them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk,
and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of
vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't
know where they are. While ambling around, you see a
beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them
and learn you have five cows. You have some more
vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42
cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last
3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however
many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in
Afghanistan, which is two. You don't milk them because
you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are
regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown
cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of
the people who like the brown one best vote for the
black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote
for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote
at all. Finally, the Florida Secretary of State and a
bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the
herd, so you pick some bossy ***** cow from
Arkansas.

Moo!