Microsoft vs GM

[it-is-me]

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You'd have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you simply accept this as normal.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out, and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[it-is-me]

A new French Foreign Legion Lieutenant was assigned to a remote post in the Sudanese desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

"Well, mon Lieutenant as you know, there are 250 men here in camp and no women and sometimes the men have...'urges'. That's why we have the camel, sir."

The Leut. says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about 'urges'. The camel can stay."

About a month later, the officer start having a real problem with his own 'urges' and orders the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Lieutanant stands on it, pulls down his pants and had sex with the camel.

Upon completing the act, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"Uh, no sir," the Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."