Another Just for Laugh

[Sheyha]

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the
food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says,
"Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer
who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he
usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken
in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange
for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter
walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says,

"Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and
I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you.
You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one
of it wings, I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in
the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his
pants, bends over and says, "Your turn!"

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The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they
both fall down. "Geez, you are lucky." The cyclist says. "What do you
mean by lucky ?" The pedestrian angrily asks, "I got hurt really bad."
"Ah, you're lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a
bus."

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A French man, an American, and a Greek were discussing love-making.

Last night I made love to my mistress three times," boasted the
Frenchman.
"She was in sheer ecstasy this morning..."

"Ah, last night I made love to my girlfriend six times," the
American"responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette
and told me she could never love another man."

When the Greek remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how
many times did you make love to your lover last night?"

"Once." he replied.

"Only once?" the American arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to
you this morning?"

"Don't stop."

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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The
little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says,
"Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather
replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp
to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of
hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.
Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray,
and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back
out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,

"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

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A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and
four children. Three of the children are tall, good-looking and
athletic; but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt. "Darling wife,"
the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine.
I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if-"

The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no
question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father." The man
then dies, happy.

The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the
other three."

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It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he
needed to confess. He went to the local priest. "Forgive me Father, for
I have sinned. During WWII I hid a Jew in my attic."

"Well," answered the priest, "that is no sin."
"But I charged him 20 Gulden for every week he stayed there."
I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause", replied the
priest.

"Yes, but I haven't told him that the war is over."